Oh, and I stopped chanting this weekend. Which is kind of ironic.

The cooking gas is back on tonight. It was out for over a week. If I actually had money, I probably would have enjoyed the excuse to order out.

My face looks almost normal, except for the cut. Face is still a little sore, lip is still a little numb. Skipped the Chic-A-Go-Go taping for cosmetic and other reasons. At least it was nice outside on Sunday.

I'm really freaking broke and it's more than a week till next payday.

Two agency recruiters called within half an hour of each other this morning. Unfortunately, one job was in Itasca (two hours each way via CTA and Metra, and that's if the company was anywhere near the train station), and the other one required experience in e-billing that I don't have and couldn't fake. Pfffft.

I would very much like to see Jonathan Coulton on Saturday, regardless of who I might run into, but of course I can't afford it. I emailed The Onion in an attempt to win tickets.

They moved Paul to the "shit seat" at work (a particularly undesirable desk location), ostensibly to be closer to the rest of the team since Dave's departure freed up a space in the area where they all sit, but I suspect it's because they know how much time Paul spent goofing off in the relatively isolated (but still plenty visible) area where I sit and he formerly did. I don't necessarily mind being by myself over there, but I liked talking to Paul, and I don't have Dave stopping by to chat anymore either. I just hope they don't move some loser from another team into that space.

... I just found out that the Scotland Yard Gospel Choir's scheduled show on Halloween is now going to be a benefit for the band. So I'm going to that, Aaron or no Aaron, and giving away my Ponys ticket.

They've had to cancel all their 2009 tour dates, and since their new record just came out, there were a lot of them. It's so fucking sad. Mark (the bass player) is STILL in the hospital in serious condition. I don't really know him, but I sure hope he has a job with insurance. Exchanged a couple of emails with Alison right after the accident, making sure that her needs were being attended to. She painted a sweet, funny portrait of Elia in the Jasper County ER. Before the accident, she and I had had plans to go out last night. (No, I didn't give myself a head injury in some sort of misguided tribute. It's slightly ironic, though.) Guess I'll see her at the benefit, if not before.

Last night after work I had a tiny bit of shopping to do. It was raining, and I don't know what the hell I slipped on, but I fell on the concrete walkway of the shopping center and hit the right side of my face really hard on some sort of projecting rusty iron contraption you're supposed to fasten a bike to. It really hurt, and when I took my hand away from my face after getting up I saw blood on it, so I was afraid that I might have to "seek medical attention". Which of course, since I haven't had insurance or a decent income for almost two years now, I was anxious to avoid. I was near a store with a nice public bathroom, though, so I went in there to clean up and saw that it wasn't as bad as I'd feared. I had a half-inch crescent-shaped cut over my right upper lip, but it wasn't that deep and I got the bleeding stopped, or mostly stopped, pretty easily. Since it was going to take me an hour to get home on the CTA anyway, I decided to complete my errands while I was there, whether I looked weird or not. Came home to find that the cooking gas is STILL off, which is more of an inconvenience now since I do usually cook for myself on the weekends, and I don't own a microwave or even a toaster oven. No omelets or quesadillas, or frozen vegetables even, for me. *sigh*

Today I'm still swollen, of course, and sore, and my right upper lip is still numb, which does concern me somewhat. It droops, too, but I think that's just from the swelling. But everything important seems to be in working order. I can smile, and chew, although I did bite the inside of my cheek last night when I was eating. I'm grateful that the thing didn't hit me any higher on my face, or I'd have a black eye at the least, and could have damaged my eye at worst. I need my eyes. My eyes and my hands.

I don't think it would have been a bad fall if I hadn't hit that post, since my only non-facial souvenir is a very small abrasion on my left upper palm. I used to fall, usually spraining my ankle as well, quite regularly -- several times a year -- until my yoga teacher identified that I was hyper-extending my knees and showed me how to correct that tendency. My balance improved as a result of her classes, too, and I've fallen very little since then. I had to give up the classes last winter when I could no longer afford to go, and I haven't had the discipline to maintain a home practice since then, but I think this is a sign that I need to get it together and start doing at least a short daily routine.

I have to go out again now, especially since I need to pick up some food that doesn't require heating, but my destinations are all in the neighborhood. After that I'm staying in. I'd planned to go out by myself tonight, and I thought I could afford to since I got paid on Wednesday. After paying rent and bills and buying the items on my small shopping list, however, I have almost no cash between now and the next paycheck on the 15th. So I'm kind of glad I have the vanity excuse as well. Sunday, however, is the probable last taping of Chic-A-Go-Go between now and next June, and I did want to go to that. If I look this lousy tomorrow, though, I'm going to skip it. I've got enough self-esteem issues right now without immortalizing my fucked-up face on camera.

Still no cooking gas, although of the utilities and household comforts I could be without - electricity, water, hot water, heat - that's by far the one I miss the least. I probably would have eaten cereal for dinner anyway. Apparently there was a major unrelated outage near us in West RP, and 2400 customers don't have any service at all, so Peoples is prioritizing them, and rightly so. My landlord used the occasion to distribute one of his famous self-serving letters about how he used this "opportunity" to entirely replace all the gas service in our building. He probably expects a pat on the back, but it sounds to me like it had been let go for far too long and, when a leak was finally reported, they had to replace the whole thing. He did admit in the letter that Peoples had deemed a portion of the building's service (direct quote) "inadequate." Whatever. I just hope he used people who know what they're doing and not the usual goddamn morons he hires, or I won't have a home to come home to when they finally turn the gas back on tomorrow, or whenever.

I thought my depression might be lifting, but it was just awful today. I was miserable at work, although except for the absence of Dave there was nothing really that wrong, and I almost fell down in spectacular fashion on the bus coming home. It was one of those new buses that I hate ("purchased with federal stimulus funds!" as the PA perkily reminded us when they were first introduced), with the hard, grey, narrow forward-facing seating, some of which was being blocked by some "entitled" college bimbos' gear and the excess avoirdupois of two loud, sloppy ghetto girls. The ride was rough standing up and I wanted very badly to sit down, but since I'm not pregnant or disabled or anything, I didn't risk confronting any of the selfish seat-hoggers. A seat finally did open up just before we got on Lake Shore, but as I attempted to take it the bus went over a nasty bump and I slipped and lost my balance.  A nice woman put out her hand for me to grab, God bless her, or I would have ended up on my ass or in someone's lap.

This may have been PMS Day (I don't get a week, but I get one really bad day), although with my awesome new shorter cycles, it's hard to calculate. I was bummed out over not doing better on those agency tests, and a few other things on top of the usual shitty-job no-money no-boyfriend boo-hoo-poor-me. And the fact that I have good friends with far, far greater problems than that, just makes me feel like more of an asshole for feeling like this.

I'm going to go try and sew now, I guess.

www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2009/09/members-of-chicago-pop-band-injured-in-auto-crash.html
Everyone survived, and Alison's at home, but it sounds like Mark, Elia and Mary are pretty fucked up. The van and everyone's equipment are a total loss. They have a ton of gigs lined up in support of the new record... this sucks so much.

If any random fans of the band somehow blunder across this post, there's a link to PayPal for donations on this page:
www.bloodshotrecords.com/news/sygc-van-accident

Listening to Bradford Cox being interviewed on WFMU right now, prior to broadcast of a live set by Deerhunter. I thought I'd gotten over my highly embarrassing crush on Bradford Cox, but it is now back IN FULL EFFECT. Just so earnest and adorable. I'm recording it (yay Total Recorder).

I just realized I haven't posted in awhile. So here is what passes for news.

• The Dan Deacon/Deerhunter/No Age after-Lollapalooza show (no, I did not attend Lolla) at Logan Square Auditorium was the best show I've seen all year, and was totally worth only getting three hours of sleep and being out of it at work on Monday for. There were actually seven bands - you could even make a case for Atlas Sound being the eighth, as Bradford did a solo turn or two - including a marching band from Providence who Deacon used brilliantly at various points in the show. Apparently Chicago isn't the only city with the likes of Mucca Pazza/Environmental Encroachment/Black Bear Combo. The three headliners were set up round-robin style, playing on each others' songs, and playing each others' songs (or so I'm told, I wasn't super familiar with anyone's entire body of work). There was a wonderful spirit of fun about the whole thing. Dan Deacon is kind of a genius, I think. He's coming back in October and I've already got a ticket. I generally dislike LSA as a concert venue, with its iffy acoustics, but it was perfect for this show. OMG it's horrible to get home to Rogers Park from there on the CTA after midnight, though. It took two hours, I think. I really, really miss being able to afford cabs at least part of the way.
• Speaking of work and being constantly broke and worried about money, the situation there is getting even worse. Dave is quitting, and management is being dicks about it (surprise, surprise), so instead of being there through October or so to see the new contract with [insert name of major foreign automobile manufacturer here] through, it looks like he will be gone by the 25th of this month, if not before. He is trying to get everybody trained and make the transition smooth, but too many things are complicated and/or up in the air and it is going to suck ass even worse than it does now over there when he leaves. I desperately wish I could be out of there by then, but short of a miracle I don't see that happening, especially as Mercury's stationing to go retro right now. I almost wish they would lay me off so I could focus on my job search, even though going back on unemployment for any significant length of time would undoubtedly spell financial disaster for me - but it's not like I found a job in the six months I was on the dole before, and Rachel made it sound in the meeting like they will keep me on indefinitely even after Dave leaves, which feels like half blessing, half curse. I have started to see a few more interesting ads and am still applying for stuff every week, but no takers so far. The agencies have been no help either. The only jobs they've called me for recently were either inaccessible to me transportation-wise or paid even less than I make now. Also, temp-to-hire opportunites seem to be drying up all of a sudden. I'm scared. I have no savings and basically no credit at this point, so I can't take the cat to the vet if she gets sick or replace my computer if it breaks or deal with anything else that might require more than about fifty dollars at one time. I closed my storage space yesterday, and am probably going to have to give up my rental mailbox too since that renewal is coming up and I don't have the money. There is really not much else I can cut in terms of expenses at this point.
• I went to Dave and Wendy's barbeque at their new place and things went okay. I think the distance between me and Wendy, as well as certain other members of her circle, is going to remain, however. Much as I would like to have an honest discussion with Wendy about the past year and a half or so and her (in my opinion) unfair judgments of and hurtful passive-aggressive actions towards me in that time, I don't feel free to do that while I'm still working for Dave, and even when he's gone I don't think that discussion will ever happen.
• I still think about Aaron way too often. Not with longing, but sometimes with moderate anger and more often with intense, incapacitating pain. I never thought I would, or could, have been so hurt by someone like him. I thought he was safe...
• I still don't want to go back on Facebook. I did recently reconnect IRL with a person or two I enjoyed interacting with on there, and was glad I could explain that my absence had nothing to do with them. I found this article the other day about other people bailing on Facebook, so I feel like I'm on some sort of cutting edge, especially since this was in the New York Times (which I assume, even in the twilight of the newspaper era, still carries some sense of cultural authority).
• My interest in sewing has experienced a sudden fierce renewal since I've been following the sew_loli community. I've been learning so much from the posts there and I'm so impressed with much of the members' work. I've been interested in lolita style for years, ever since I got that Gothic & Lolita book from J-List years ago, which I now understand is referred to as a "pattern mook" (mook = magazine/book). Now it's giving me a focus I've sorely needed in terms of my creative/crafty side, and in the absence of any other compelling object of enthusiasm in my life right now, is the interest that's keeping my general despair over my present life situation from becoming overwhelming. Aside from the wa-loli attempt last month that I am now rethinking, I haven't sewn anything that officially qualifies as lolita; I did make a gathered rectangle skirt with a big ruffle that came out great, but the print is too graphic for loli. Right now, however, I'm working on a complete country/sweet-style outfit to wear to the Bloodshot Records BBQ at the Hideout next Saturday, an event which I consider summer's last hurrah. The success of that project means a lot to me right now, and I hope it turns out well.
• Le Concorde and M.O.T.O. played their farewell shows a week ago last Friday. My former crush Stephen decided to relocate to L.A. to pursue his musical relationships there. Tina, who I have always been so jealous of on many levels, did not follow him. And Paul, former crush from so very long ago, who I've known for nearly two decades now - I met him when he was still playing with Beck Dudley, and while Alison was still in grad school on the West Coast - decided to move to Providence. He and Alison have been split for a while, I don't know exactly how long or under what circumstances, as unfortunately I haven't hung out with Alison much at all this year. She is still playing keyboards with SYGC - in Aaron's former role - and they're performing at the BBQ next Saturday. So all of the above has brought up a lot of weird complicated feelings for me. I went to both shows in search of some sense of closure, and I do feel that, but I'm still so sad about so many things. Alison did seem relaxed and happy when I talked to her briefly before the LC gig, and I am glad for that. She's a wonderful person and deserves all the happiness in the world. I'm sorry I don't see more of her but I am proud to know her.
• Janet and I went to First Friday at the MCA and had an awesome time. I want to go back in November. We spent a lot of time with the Olafur Eliasson exhibit, which we both loved, and stuffed our faces with Wolfgang Puck eggrolls and did some quality people-watching. Ran into Jillian and Eileen there - Jillian was in a good mood; I think the treatment she's getting for her sleep problems is helping her a lot - and Gina, who's got a website for her millinery now, yay. She has a piece there with a bird on it that I really want to buy, and I will if I have enough money in a few weeks and it's still there. Thank goddess for Janet, she is my lifeline right now.
• I'm getting headaches off and on again, after being mostly spared them for a while. I've got one today. I don't know if it's muscular (lack of exercise, and/or propping up the pillows on the bed wrong when I'm watching TV or knitting/crocheting, could be culprits), or due to hormonal issues or lack of proper sleep or the weird weather shifts we've been having all summer. Alcohol also seems to be a trigger so I have been largely avoiding that. I miss it less than I would have expected. (I wish I could turn to the green on occasion, but that is on hold till my employment situation stabilizes.) Acetaminophen helps sometimes, but not always; aspirin doesn't do much, and I'm leery of Aleve and the like. Nadhi Sudhana breathing, which my yoga teacher recommended, doesn't seem to help much either but that could be because I usually don't have the patience to keep doing it for long.
• Still chanting. Doesn't seem to affect much of anything at present, but I'm staying with it, morning and evening.

Need to go prewash fabric now and start sewing again...

Got to Ginza Holiday way too late, due to the suddenly tropical weather and other issues, and missed the Dress Up Day otaku brigade, which may have been a good thing, or not. I wore the Alexander Henry "anime-girl" print yukata that I've been working on for the last week or so. Considering how hard on myself I always am about stuff I make, I'm surprisingly pleased with it, although it still needs a few finishing touches. However, since I'm no longer part of Aaron's crowd (one of the reasons I was vacillating about going to Ginza at all was, again, I was afraid he might happen to be there), no one I know has actually seen it, and I don't know if it's as cool as I think it is. It's intended as the main piece of an entire wa-loli outfit. Yes, of course for my first genuine foray into lolita I had to pick one of the hardest styles to pull off. But the whole outfit hasn't come together yet as I thought it would have; I decided I didn't like the cheater obi I made, it looks too cosplay, and I also want to add some loli detail to the yukata. Finally, it was way too hot today for a heavy skirt and underpinnings. So I just wore the yukata, which, despite some modifications to accommodate the underskirt and the large directional print, is fairly traditionally styled. I tied it with a ribbon instead of the obi and wore it over jeans, with the cute little headdress I made to go with it, and my metallic blue ballet slippers that match it nicely. I thought I looked great, but my camera batteries are dead and I had neither money nor time to replace them today, so I couldn't take a picture. My ensemble got a stupid comment or two from a pair of idiot "I Love You, Man" types on the train, but at the festival some people smiled at me, and I wasn't pelted with rocks and garbage by actual Japanese (or anyone else), so I guess it was okay. Like I said, though, the real "critics" were gone by the time I got there. I went alone and didn't see anyone I knew there, except for Wendy's ex Bryan (ugh), and he was just leaving.

I did catch some taiko drumming and the main event, Yoko Noge's Jazz Me Blues, with Tatsu Aoki sitting in on samisen for about half the set. In all my years in Chicago, I'd never seen Yoko Noge, and I really like her. I'd love to go see one of her Monday gigs at Andy's, but it's a "school night", I still have my infamous "temp" job so I'm still broke most of the time, and who would go with me?

I might go back tomorrow for some of the other stuff I missed, and to look around the temple. Not sure though. I got a ticket for Deerhunter and Dan Deacon's after-Lolla show at LSA (the ticket was relatively cheap and I really want to see both of them), but it doesn't start till ten and my trip on the CTA between here and there takes more than an hour. So that means I won't be home till after two, and I get up for work at six-thirty. I have not slept much all week, so I might need to catch up on that before the show.

The Clark Street thing on Sunday was kind of cool. Very neighborhood, which meant lots of people selling rosaries and cowboy hats and good Mexican food. No Funkadesi, however, at least not when they were supposed to play. WTF? Can I blame Joe Moore somehow?

My dilemma this weekend is Marketdays. On Saturday, my friends The Handcuffs, who I haven't seen in ages, are playing at 2 and then My Dear Disco, who Aaron saw at Youmacon and recommended highly, follow at 3:30. I really want to go, but there is some slight chance of running into Aaron (because MDD's playing) and I DO NOT want that to happen, whether he's with his overweight, underage girlfriend or not. I'm also worried that I'll get depressed, since the memories of that day last year that Aaron played with SYGC both at the fest and at Town Hall, that day that Roxy was there, are so vivid and mixed in emotion. I don't know if it's worse to go or to not go. And if I do go, I have to look good and feel good, to help maintain my self-esteem at a functional level. I'm sort of praying for a heavy midafternoon thunderstorm so I have a valid excuse to stay home. (Edit: Didn't go.)

Randi and I are going to a Yelp! thing on Friday evening. It'll probably be full of idiots but we can make fun of them, and there's free food and Dustin Drase's outfit is DJing. That should be a good time, at least. (Edit: Didn't go. We went to dinner at the ridiculously named but surprisingly good Hot Woks, Cool Sushi on Michigan Avenue, and ended up having such a good time that we decided to skip the long Blue Line trek to the Irish-American Center where the Yelp! event was being held, and ordered mango pudding instead. Then we went over to the Art Institute to check out the Modern Wing - Target has been sponsoring free Fridays over there during the summer - but it was closed for a private party, so we wandered around the bookstore for awhile and then adjourned to our respective homes. I think it was a good call.)

The Illinois Department of Revenue okayed my proposed payment plan for paying off the income taxes I owe. It's not much money at all, but it's still more than I can pay all at once right now because of my continued pathetic employment situation, so that's one less worry. As long as I can swing that $50 a month, anyway.

Weird dream last night. Very vivid. I remember I got up and went to the bathroom at about 2 am, and I was on the toilet (lol) kind of thinking that either the events of the dream were real or at least that it was something I had dreamed before, if that makes any sense. It was sort of a romantic wish-fulfillment thing, I guess, although there wasn't much going on in the physical sense. The personality of the male figure reminded me a bit of Adam's, but unlike Adam the guy didn't actually seem to be a jerk. He was slim, not especially tall, with longish gray hair. I did find him attractive, though (interesting, as I rarely find men older than me attractive, and he might well have been). His name was Jim, which is funny because it's not really a name I've ever liked much, and in the dream he lived inside the Lucky Number, which was a punk/new-wave bar at 950 W. Wrightwood in the 80s. The bar later changed its name to 950 and had a pretty long run -- I even DJed there a couple of times with my former friend Jill -- but has long been closed. I think some yuppie joint is there now. The bar in the dream wasn't exactly like the real Lucky Number, and "Jim" lived on the second floor, a second floor that I don't recall being part of the bar in reality. The bar was named after Lene Lovich's 1979 minor new-wave hit, an old favorite of mine - if you're not familiar with it, check it out here (the lyrics are sort of botched, but you should be able to stream the track even if you're not a Last.fm user).

Obviously I am hoping the dream is some sort of favorable portent... (Edit 8/8/09: Not so far.)

I went to Chinatown again yesterday. I'd planned to be there for the opening ceremonies of the dragon boat races at 8:30 a.m., but being the lazy and disorganized ass that I usually am on Saturday mornings, I got down there more like 1:15. I've only been one other time, and had forgotten that it isn't really that much fun without a companion and a picnic lunch (there is exactly one food vendor, and not a good one - yeah, I came to Chinatown to eat a hot dog). Still, Ping Tom Park is a pleasant spot on a summer afternoon, and I watched the boats for about 45 minutes at riverside until the lame classic-rock cover band they had booked for some ungodly reason started up again.

It was still a good day to go, though, because as it turned out, the Chicago Temple was putting on a street fair in the square. I missed the dragon parade, but saw some nice traditional dancing and a performance by a martial arts school. Who can resist seven-year-olds demonstrating their kung fu moves? They're doing it every weekend between now and August 16, and I might be back every weekend. For some reason I have really been digging Chinatown lately. I don't know why, it's crowded and full of cheap crap and not even super friendly, although I should note that I had no sooner dropped my sunglasses in the square yesterday than no less than six people cried out to call it to my attention so I could retrieve them. But I feel... calm down there. I can't explain it.

Everyone was drinking those fruit drinks or bubble teas with the tapioca "pearls", mostly smoothies with the big black pearls that they give you a special wide straw to suck up. The appeal of those things still mystifies me, however. Yesterday I decided to try it again. Between the dancers and the kung fu students' performances, I ducked into the Chinatown Mall outpost of Tasty Place (I just love that name) for a bun and a mango smoothie. "With pearl?", the woman behind the counter asked. Against my better judgment, I replied yes, since everyone else seemed to be enjoying them so much. Um... the smoothie itself was delicious, and I finished it, but those chewy "pearls"... I still don't get it. :-p

Today there's a street festival a bit west of me at Clark and Morse, and Funkadesi's playing at 5. I saw Funkadesi at Chicago SummerDance in Grant Park a few weeks ago and liked them a lot.  As the name implies, they play a sort of funk/reggae/bhangra fusion, which is better than it sounds, even though I am not fond of reggae. The Indian vocalist is awesome, and hey, our President likes them. So I'll take a hike over there, and, if I get it finished, I might even be sporting the sundress I started sewing last night out of some awesome Alexander Henry skateboarder-themed fabric I bought years ago from Reprodepot and never made up. Because there is finally some SUN. And heat, even. Right now my fan is keeping the front room cool but I might end up running the AC later, for only the third time so far this summer.

From Myspace -- yes, I'm still off Facebook -- because I don't feel like writing an actual entry about Pitchfork right now. (I've substituted asterisks for my friends' usernames and my LJ handle for mine.)

Status and Mood

******* 11 hours ago
******* 10 hours ago ******* 8 hours ago
[dirty_chai] Just Now
  

I started a forty-day mantra discipline on Monday. Morning and evening. I'm actually getting up earlier to do it, and I rarely get up earlier to do anything if I can help it. I have a stone mala from the Tibetan Nuns Project (I ordered it with the prayer flags) and the beads are small and a little bit difficult to count on, but it's pretty and nice. I'm keeping it in my Vietnamese cinnamon bark box on my makeshift "altar" (a shelf on top of the radiator), and it smells good when I take it out to chant.

It got chilly and cloudy again - happy July!  I went to Pritzker again for The Feelies' reunion, and the weather was tolerable for that, at least. The Feelies seemed a little tentative at first (has it really been twenty years?), and the audience was slow to catch fire, but there was a good deal of dancing by the end. I finally got up to move my hips and wished I'd done so sooner. (I noticed myself moving a little differently, as I also did at Faiz Ali Faiz. The energy seems to be coming from a slightly different place. I need to experiment more with it.) I saw Dan, for the first time in a few months. He gave me a swig of Jager from the bottle and offered me some Three-Buck Chuck too, so it seems he is still drinking (he started again during the trial). However, he looked better than I've seen him look in ages - happier, healthier. He was with a cool girl that I thought was his date, but her husband turned up a bit later. They were both very nice and come from the city where I went to college, so we chatted about that. It occurred to me to wonder if Dan was the blonde man in the cards. If so, I hope it's only as a maven or matchmaker and not, well, you know. Because it's always tempting, but I know it's a dead end. He said he'd text me about some stuff coming up, but so far he hasn't, so maybe he wasn't the fair-haired knight after all.

Otherwise, save from frogging and reknitting my two-color tabi anklet a couple of times, the week has been uneventful so far. Another unpaid day off tomorrow. I desperately want my paid holidays back, it ruins the anticipation of the time off when I know I have to budget around the loss of the day's pay (or, worse, when I forget to like I did last time).

Much as I want to get out and be social in the nice weather over the next three days, I'm afraid that's not going to happen. Even "my" beach is probably going to be a zoo all weekend. And forget downtown. Had some tentative plans to meet Randi tomorrow down there, and I'd love to see the fireworks from close up for once, but considering the bad luck I've had with the Grant Park area recently, I will most likely pass. (Chic-A-Go-Go is also doing a dance party around lunchtime in the "Family Fun" tent in Millennium Park, but I've run into the Stupe John B once in the past seven days already, and once was more than enough.) Maybe I'll go to Evanston for their fireworks on Saturday, if I can get to the location on public trans. Other than that, I have more than enough sewing and cleaning to occupy my three days, and I still haven't emptied the damn storage space. I also need to divide the aloes so I can bring some to Mona and Dani and Sara on Monday, and the jades in the bathroom are leggy and dropping leaves, so they need to be repotted and new ones started. Time to go to Clark-Devon Hardware and get another big bag o' dirt.

Slept late after all, but feel much better. It's another nice day, windy. Made a feta cheese and baby spinach omelet and it actually came out perfect for once. I'm eating it here in front of the computer, with a cup of Ethiopian coffee (Metropolis beans). I feel like cleaning. Beach later if the weather doesn't go bad.

Well, tonight was kind of a disaster, or at best a minor waste of time and money. At least I didn't go to Taste. But I'm really down in the dumps now, and the fact that I look good and I smell good just kind of makes it all worse. It's a pretty night outside, too. It's raining, but lightly, and the air is cool and has that rain scent. It would be a nice night to be out with a date, but I don't have a date, not even a prospect of one, and I really feel sad and hopeless and want to cry right now.

I talked myself out of getting beer on the way home with some of the very few dollars that I have between now and Tuesday morning when my direct deposit hits the bank (that is, if that c-word of an office manager doesn't forget to pay me again), which is good, because I would feel like even more of a loser if I didn't get up early tomorrow and take care of all the stuff I need to do. Right now I'm going to queue up some shit on Hulu and eat ice cream, and I know I'm luckier than a lot of people to even be able to do that, but that still doesn't ease my mind or the ache in my heart.